Fundamental problem of ordinary people
Thirukkural 190(திருக்குறள் 190):
ஏதிலார் குற்றம்போல் தங்குற்றங் காண்கிற்பின் தீதுண்டோ மன்னும் உயிர்க்கு.
Its meaning in english:
If one sees their own fault as they see the faults of others, is there any evil that can happen to anyone?
Its meaning in tamil:
பிறருடைய குற்றங்களை நாம் எளிதாகக் கண்டறிவது போல, நம்முடைய குற்றங்களையும் நாம் கண்டறிந்து அவற்றைச் சரி செய்து கொண்டால், இந்த உலகில் வாழும் உயிர்களுக்கு எந்தத் தீமையும் ஏற்படாது.
The fundamental problem of ordinary people is they avoid the truth about themselves. They can't have peace or a person who is really good can't have good relation with ordinary people due to this fundamental problem of ordinary people.
When I went on a college trip to Munnar with some classmates, a girl I studied with told me a truth about myself. What should I have done if I had been wise? Even though I didn't like what she said, I should have listened to the truth she spoke. I shouldn't have gotten angry with her. But I thought she was speaking ill of me. When I had the chance later, I swore at her. A while later, I realized that she had simply told me the truth about myself.
I had sworn at her for that. I get crazy when someone else tells me the truth about myself. I realized that I had acted like a mad person. It was then that I thought all average people were like this. I thought that to know if someone is mad or not, it's enough to tell them the truth about themselves and watch their reaction.
Average people don't think about the truth about themselves.
Even if we point it out, they will go crazy and scream.
The main reason my mother scolds me isn't because I don't go to work.
It's because I point out the truth about that to her.
If I can subtly understand the ways average people like my mother deny the truth about themselves, I can avoid getting scolded.
First, why do they deny the truth about themselves?
Average people are hypocrites.
A hypocrite is someone who is intellectually inferior but imagines that everyone's thinking ability is equal. A hypocrite is a terrible egotist who imagines themselves to be a good person simply because they're moral. Hypocrites, the average people, have a false self-image about their thinking ability and character. To protect this false self-image, they don't think about the truth about themselves. Additionally, even if someone else points it out, they will declare them an enemy, swear at them, and beat them. Sometimes they will even kill them.
5 ways average people use to reject or avoid the truth about themselves:
Way 1- Rejection of truth of oneself in the halfway:
If someone who thinks about the truth tells average people the truth about themselves, they will refuse to listen to them halfway through the conversation. They will say, "stop."
Way 2- Rejection of truth of oneself after hearing fully.
There are 4 sub-types in this.
Subtype 1:
Rejection of truth of oneself through self deception.
Subtype 2:
Rejection of truth of oneself through self-centred opinion.
I would like to give 2 examples for this type as it is tough to understand.
Eg 1:
In a hotel, a 'set' of poori means 3 pieces. I asked them to serve two leaf plates, with two pooris for me and one for my third cousin's son, Vendhan, who was about 4 years old. The waiter first placed two pooris on my plate. When he brought the single poori for him on a separate plate, he sneezed with a great speed while turned to the side. I told him I didn't want that poori.
But I said I would pay 50 rupees for all three pooris.
But he only took 34 rupees for the two pooris. He had turned to the side and sneezed. Still, I thought a tiny bit of mucus would have gotten onto the poori for Vendhan, so I told him not to serve it. He wouldn't have thought that me rejecting the poori was right. He would have thought to himself, "I turned to that side and sneezed. This boy rejecting that poori is wrong."
He would have thought that only his opinion was the complete truth or that it was the most correct. He wouldn't have considered that what was normal for him might have been disgusting for me. My character is different. His character is different. I had an opinion based on my character.
That person had an opinion based on his character. He should have valued my opinion.
He would not have thought that he should not consider only his opinion as right. This is rejection of truth of oneself through self-centred opinion.
Eg 2:
My mother served a dosa to a person who sat down to eat. He didn't eat it and only ate two idlis, throwing the entire dosa into the leaf-plate bin.
It was lying in the bin.
When I asked him, he said he wouldn't eat a burnt dosa. I asked my mother. I asked her why she served a burnt dosa.
(My mother would never accept a truth about itself. It's mad. It would become furious whenever I told the truth about herself. This mad person occasionally tells me that my hands and legs should be tied and I should be put in a mental asylum). Immediately, my mother said that the dosa she served was crispy, not burnt. I went and looked at the dosa again, which was in the leaf-plate bin. It was three-quarters burnt in the middle only. But the other parts of the dosa were fine. There was no need for that person to throw it away. He could have torn off the slightly burnt part in the middle and eaten the rest. But this way of thinking is my opinion based on my character. I should not think that he should have the same character as me. For his character, even being slightly burnt might have been disgusting. My mother should have thought that it was not wrong for the dosa to seem wrong to him even if it was slightly burnt, given his character. But because my mother's character didn't find the dosa wrong, she rejected my statement that she had served him a burnt dosa. She only took into account her own opinion about the dosa, which was based on her character. She did not take into account the opinion of the other person, which was based on his character. This is rejection of truth of oneself through self-centred opinion.
Sub type 3- rejection of truth of oneself by saying that the teller has bias or by saying that the teller generalizes the truth belonging to few to all or by saying that the teller says his own opinion as the truth.
Subtype 4-
Rejection of truth of oneself by trying to think that the teller is not deserved to tell that truth.
To believe the teller is not deserved to speak the truth about oneself, he or she will try to find some negative things regarding the teller. Using it they will foolishly think the teller is not deserved to speak the truth about them.
Way 3- rejection of truth of oneself through justifying. It is otherwise called as rationalization. In tamil it is called as நியாயப்படுத்துதல்.
A person who justifies their wrong action in any way will never justify the same wrong action if someone else does it.
Way 4- repression:
If you point out a wrong action a person has done, they will reject it using the methods mentioned above. But if their conscience knows it was a wrong thing to do, then their mental process will use a method called repression to make them forget the wrong they did. So, don't imagine that average people will think about the wrong they did after you are dead.
They will only try to escape from the truth about themselves.
Way 5- repentance
Someone has done something bad to you. But even then, they will not admit that they are a bad person. They will deny that truth to you or to themselves using the methods mentioned above. They will try to become a good person by repenting. If you pour water on the dirt stuck on your feet and shake it, the dirt will go away. But a person's bad character will not change by repenting.
If a person who did something bad to you realizes their mistake and now acts nicely to you as a form of repentance, and you refuse to accept it, they will again use some self-deception tactics. They will expect you to swear at them more and beat them more. Through that, they will think that they have been punished for their mistake, escape from their guilt, and imagine themselves to be a good person.