how to forget a bad memory? or how to erase a memory?

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your psychological problem:

 i have a particular memory. The particular memory persists in my mind forever. i want to erase this memory from my mind. how can I do it?

 solution:

"what you resist persists"- said  by Carl Jung.

so don't try to resist the memory which
persists in your mind for all of the 24 hours.
just dont resist. just dont try to erase it. then it will automatically go away from your mind.
if that memory comes to your mind don't bother about it. just like all other memories you allow this persisting memory too to step and to live in your mind. then it will automatically go away.



a story:

a man had a wife and children. a monk(sadhu) was sitting under a banyan tree which had prop roots.
the man came to the monk(sadhu). The man said, "sadhuji, i want to get rid of my family life. i too want to become a sadhu(monk) like you. i want to get rid of my family. but the love for bondage is tightly gripping me and it doesn't allow me to get rid of my family life. please tell me a solution"


the monk told the man to climb the prop root of the banyan tree and to grip it tightly.
the man did as told by the monk.

now, the monk asked "are you the one who is tightly gripping the prop root? or is it the prop root which is tightly gripping you?"

the man said "i'm the one who is tightly gripping the prop root and it is not the prop root that is tightly gripping me"

now the monk told him to free his hand grip from the prop root. he did. he was free from the prop root and stood on land.

now the monk asked him "are you the one who is tightly gripping your family bondage? or is it the family bondage which is tightly gripping you?"

the man suddenly understood his faulty thinking. he said "the family bondage didn't tightly grip me. I was the one who gripped it tightly."

now the monk said "so as like you freed your grip from prop root of banyan tree free yourself from the family bondage."

now the man easily freed himself from the family.


the truth known from this story helps you to get rid of a memory which persists in your mind at all times.

yes.

at first due to some incidents in your life a memory came to your mind.
you were the one who was thinking about that memory.
but, some times after that faultily you thought that it was the memory which caught you.

from this moment onwards by  your faulty thinking you made a hell to yourself.


a memory cannot catch you just like a prop root of a banyan tree cannot grip you.

if you grip a prop root and imagine the prop root is the one which grips you then you will begin to free yourself from the imagination. you cannot free yourself from an imagination. so understand the truth that you are the one who gripped the prop root and not the prop root which gripped you.

similarly u had the imagination that a memory was gripping you. you thought a memory caught you and made you a prisoner. it is your imagination. you cannot free yourself from your imagination.
understand the truth that you only continuously thought about something. but you faultily thought that the memory had caught you. it is your imagination. 

By knowing that it was him who gripped the prop root and it was not the prop root which gripped him, the man freed himself from the prop root without any effort.

similarly by knowing that it was you who thought about something for each and every second
and it was not the memory which caught you, you can free yourself from that memory
without any effort.

thats why carl jung said "what you resist persists".

last 3 notes:

1st note:

The Seven Sins of Memory: How the Mind Forgets and Remembers is a book  by Daniel Schacter.


Daniel Schacter has mentioned that there are 7 sins of memory. The 7th one is persistence.
Persistence is the mental disorder which i have written above. a particular memory persists in your mind for all of the 24 hours and for all of the years. you want to free yourself from that memory and you cannot do it. It is persistence mental disorder. It is a hell if a particular memory persists for all times in mind. i haven't read this book by Daniel Schacter. I don't know whether he has written any solution to persistence in that book or not. If you suffer from persistence just what i have written above is enough.

I'm continuing what I have thought about persistence on my own.

there are 4 bad things in your mind. 
1. High like 
2. High dislike, 
3. High security feeling even in unimportant things.
4. 'ego' which is the wrong self image about your intelligence and character

Note:
In psychology the feeling of 'me' is also denoted as 'ego'...Suppose someone says the word 'ego satisfaction'. the word ego in the words ego satisfaction denotes 'the feeling of me' in the consciousness. At that time of saying the words 'ego satisfaction' the word 'ego' in it doesn't denote the fake self image.

 As said by j.krishnamurti people don't give anything to others for the sake of their wish or their welfare. People usually give anything to others or help anything to others just for their ego satisfaction.

for this essay I would like you to understand the word 'ego' as the wrong self image about your intelligence and character.

if you are prisoner to the above said 4 things
 you are the perfect prey for persistence mental disorder.

so,
have less like over anything.
have less dislike over anything.
You can have high security feeling over very important things like your child.
But you should not have high security feeling over ordinary things.

at last know that you have fake self image which is ego. ego is the fake self image about your character and intelligence. Defense mechanism was said by sigmund freud. By it mind tries to protect the fake self image by any means. You should not protect the ego. you must free from defense mechanism of the mind. Else if you don't have luck in your life some incidents will occur in your life. And you will fall into the persistence mental disorder. Never try to falsely imagine you are a good person when you are really not a good person. Never try to imagine you have great intelligence without any solid proof. the fake self image will damage  you. Only hypocrites do such things.

Hypocrisy means imagining about yourself that you have same amount of intelligence with that of really intelligent people without any real proof(actually a hypocrite has a thing which seems like a proof but not the real proof. The only capability that the ordinary people have to escape from their incapability is finding the excuses which seems like a proof but not the real proof)


Hypocrisy means pretending to yourself that you are a good person when you are really bad.


Hypocrisy means prentending  to yourself that you are good or right at all times and in all things when you are really good or right only conditionally.
You can be good or right but it is conditional.

4 cunning ways of mind to safeguard the fake self image even it does bad act:

1st cunning way of mind's mechanism to escape from guilt(justifying):

 Even for a slight feeling of loss or insecurity observe what you do. Usually at such times, for your selfishness,  you will do the act which you think as a wrong act. 

At the same time of doing the wrong act you want to save your fake self image about your character that you are a good person. So your cunning mind will justify the wrong act. 

2nd cunning way of mind's mechanism to escape from guilt(imagining fake reasons):

Or your cunning mind will imagine fake reasons for the wrong act and hide real reasons within itself. 

3rd cunning way of mind's mechanism to escape from guilt(repentance):

Or your cunning mind-after doing the wrong act-will do repentance. As you are a hypocrite you cannot become a good person after doing repentance. Because in future, in some other things to some other people if you need to do a wrong act to avoid loss or to safeguard your selfishness you will once again to do it.
(The other choice is self destruction. some of you will choose that)....So the repentance that you imagine as repentance doesn't make you a good person. The repentance that you imagine is not the real repentance. 
What is real repentance? 
Accept to yourself that you are bad. Or accept to yourself that you are good or right only conditionally. This acceptance of your original character to yourself is the real repentance. 


When I was in college a boy was telling a sex joke to another boy. I heared it too. At that time I thought it was just a joke. But, now I think it is a perfect example to show the guilt in hypocrites is just related to their fake self image.  I may write that sex joke in future. At present, I avoid to write it here for some reasons.



4th cunning way of mind to escape from guilt:

I will not write this 4th way. If you want to think of you as an intelligent person with the real solid proof find out this 4th way by yourself... Don't ask me to tell this 4th cunning way of mind to escape from guilt....



Don't imagine you have a self respect which is unconditional.

  If you try to think of yourself as 'i am right' in everything in daily life then there are only 2 possibilities. One possibility is that you will become a hypocrite. And the other possibility is that you will become a masochist. Don't be a hypocrite. Don't be a masochist. If there is a very need to do a wrong act that is not able to be avoidable then do it.....what about guilt?
Hypocrites do the 4 Cunning ways said above to escape from the guilt.(in this essay i haven't written the 4th cunning way of mind to escape from guilt) 

 The one who has the real honesty and who doesn't deceive himself under defense mechanism lives the guilt. He will not try to escape from the guilt. He lives the guilt. But the amount of guilt within his mind will be low. He accepts that he can be good or right only conditionally.

But hypocrites have high amount of guilt..this high amount of guilt is the effect of their high desire to escape from the fact that their real character is bad or conditionally good...this high amount of guilt is really indicating that they don't want to accept the truth about their real character which is bad or conditionally good....


A  real good person who is not a self cheater has low amount of guilt and he lives it. He thinks it is wrong to escape from the guilt. Suppose a real good person does a wrong act to a person namely 'A'. 'A' may or may not forgive him. Even if 'A' forgives him, he will not forgive himself if he thinks what he had done to 'A' is really not forgivable. It doesn't mean that he will punish himself. What he will just do is that he will not forgive himself even though 'A' forgives him. The guilt in a real good person is highly related to the suffering of 'A' which has been caused by the wrong act done by him. That real good person's low amount of guilt is actually related to his real self image(not the fake self image). 

Hypocrites(fake moralists) have high amount of guilt and they are trying to escape from it. They wait for fake reasons to escape from guilt. They justify their faults to escape from guilt. They do repentance to escape from guilt. They imagine fake reasons for the wrong act by hiding real reasons within themselves. They want you to forgive them to escape from their guilt.(they never forgive anyone)... If you don't forgive them and show your anger on them they even wait patiently for you to punish them. They want you to scold them repeatedly or hit them more than once. If you do it they will use it as a chance to escape from the guilt which arose in them because of the bad thing they had done to you in the past. They never ever accept the truth about their real character to themselves. Especially girls. I pity of boys all over the world who waste their time in talking with girls who are terrible hypocrites.

The guilt in hypocrites is not at all related to the pain they have given to you by their wrong act as it seems. The guilt in hypocrites' head is really related to their fake self image. They are not really worring about your suffering which has been caused by their wrong act as it seems. They are really worring about the shaking of their fake self image. Don't get fooled by seeing the guilt in a person's face. Because, the high amount of guilt in hypocrites is really related to their fake self image(I'm repeating that the good person's low amount of guilt is related to his real self image)
Hypocrites will simply wait and grab a chance and escape from guilt and finally they will simply don't have any guilt at all like obvious frauds. Hypocrites don't have the real justice but it is not obvious.
 An obvious fraud cheats others without cheating himself. A hypocrite doesn't have the feeling of common justice for all. The feeling of selfishness puts a mask called the feeling of common justice in hypocrites. 
 A hypocrite will change his idea of justice when his place changes. He may be against something bad done by others to him. When his place changes he will do the same thing to others. 
 A hypocrite will do any bad thing to others whenever needed. But, he is not aware of his doings. A hypocrite is a self cheating fake person.


And lastly know that obvious frauds don't have any guilt at all. But, these obvious frauds have honesty in accepting their original character to themselves. They know they are bad. So, they don't have violence regarding their self image. They are not reactors. If you say to them that they are bad they will simply accept it to themselves. But, they may ignore it with you. Obvious frauds may act with you but not with themselves.

 A real good person can talk even with these obvious frauds. But, a real good person cannot talk with hypocrites who are not obvious frauds but cheating themselves. Hypocrites are all reactors. They have violence regarding their self image. if you say to them that they are bad they will start to attack you defending their fake self image. If you say a lie or your own imagination about one's character or one's intelligence he should talk against you. That is correct. Because what you talk is a lie or your own imagination about his character or intelligence. But, if you speak the truth about one's character or intelligence he should accept it. But, if you do it to a hypocrite he will attack you. Because, your saying about his self image is against his own imagination about his self image.

But the ordinary people are not aware of these self deceiving defense mechanisms of mind to protect their fake self image about their intelligence and character which is ego.

Accept the truth about you to yourself as said by j.krishnamurti.
Problem is finished.

I by myself thought that we are good and right but it is conditional from my experiences. Later I saw a quote by Albert Ellis. He too have spoken the same thing.
"Self-esteem is the greatest sickness known to man or woman because it's conditional"- Albert Ellis.

The truth is you really don't know who is really a good person and who is really a bad person. You have been imagining about yourself and others until now. And you are going to continue it.


I read a very first basic psychological truth.

It is this------------> you don't question yourself because your mind is afraid that if you question yourself the answer you will get may be against your fake self image or against your wish. That is why you don't question yourself. If you question yourself even though the answer that you get is against your fake self image or wish you will get correct self knowledge. The correct self knowledge helps you in each and every thing.(but even before reading the reason for people not questioning themselves I had thought by myself that people didn't like the truth about themselves. But I didn't think that was the reason for people not to question themselves)

Question yourself without hypocrisy.
The correct self image or the correct self knowledge  will only help your security. The fake self image will leave you a fool until you die.

There are 3 benefits if you question yourself and find the truth about you:

 1.Knowing the darkness of the self is the best way to know the darkness of others- Carl Jung.

If you want security you should know others very deeply. To know that you should know yourself. So question yourself without hypocrisy. Don't justify you. Don't imagine fake reasons for your doings by hiding real reasons of that act. Don't try to do repentance for your wrong act just to fakely think of yourself as a good person. Doing repentance for your past wrong act doesn't make you a good person. Because you will once again do any wrong act in future too if you really need to do it. The real repentance is accepting to yourself that you are bad or you are good but it is conditional.


2. If you question yourself and find and accept the negative truth about yourself you will not depend on others to safeguard your self image. You will not care what others will think about you to safegaurd your self image. You will care what other think about you just to safegaurd your security and existence.

(Don't misundertand the above point. Even if you are a  person who has a tremendous self knowledge you should care about what others will think about you to safeguard your security and existence. When you are a  person having a tremendous self knowledge you will not care what others will think about you just to safegaurd your self image.)


Also if  you question yourself and find and accept  the negative truths about you then you will find that those truths belong to others too. So you will know that others are fake moralists who are not deserved to judge you.

It is not easy to know all of the truths about yourself directly by questioning yourself. You should observe others and find out the truth about them. After finding the truths about them-even though they are negative-question yourself whether those truths belong to you too with real honesty and without hypocrisy. You should not allow yourself to be caught under the defense mechanism of mind to save the fake self image. Knowing yourself helps you to know the others and knowing the others helps to know yourself...so observe both yourself and others to know the truth about mind.....finding the truth is not done by all...it is done by a very few.....it is the real self satisfaction to a person who thinks that he is not like these ordinary people who lives their life thinking their own imaginations and their own opinions as the truth...


3. If you question yourself and find the truths you will be able reduce the foolishness. In old age people think they made a lot of mistake in the past. Even a very small mistake or a wrong decision in the past turned their life into a different direction which they hate now. This thing will not happen to you if you start to question youself and find the truths. You cannot go into the past as like showing in time travel movies. But by reducing the foolishness you can avoid mistakes and thereby you can change your future. 
2nd note:

If you suffer from any psychological disorder don't try to get consolation in the mind. try to get freedom in the mind.
Getting freedom in the mind is different from getting consolation in the mind.
Freedom in the mind is permanent. consolation in the mind is temporary.

freedom in the mind is given by accepting the truth about your mind to yourself(not to others.don't reveal you to others). Freedom in the mind comes only when you accept to yourself that you have a fake self image about your intelligence and character which is ego. Freedom in the mind comes only when you accept to yourself that you are guilty, you are incapable, you are a wrong person, you are less intelligent etc. If you accept the truth about yourself to yourself you will not fall into mental disorders like persistence.

consolation in the mind is given by a full lie about your mind or half-truth about your mind. consolation in the mind can be gotten only when you escape from the truth about yourself or by rejecting the truth about yourself. consolation in the mind can be gotten by escaping from the fact that you are guilty by justifying it, by rejecting the fact that you are incapable or less intelligent. For not accepting your incapability you may imagine some other thing is the reason for your failure. By this way of thinking you may get consolation. But, it will surely bring mental disorders like persistence. if you try to protect your fake self image(ego) you may get consolation but it will bring mental disorders like persistence and also you will not get any success in anything if you don't have a correct self knowledge about yourself.

A psychologist knows you don't like freedom in the mind and you like only consolation in the mind. If you go to a psychologist he will not give you freedom in the mind by telling the truth about your mind. if he tells the truth about you you will start to hate him. so, he will tell only a full lie about your mind or half-truth about your mind and thereby gives you consolation. In other words the psychologist just speaks what you want to hear for your consolation and not the truth. What do you want to hear is a full lie about your character/intelligence or a half-truth about your character/intelligence. He knows you are immature to accept the truth about yourself. It is not his fault. YOU ONLY MAKE HIM LIKE THIS.

so, instead of going to a psychologist read some fundamentals of psychology in books or in google. Then, think by yourself about your experiences  in a correct way.

If you really have a sharp brain you can by yourself think even many of the fundamental truths in psychology. If you are sharp person you don't need many books.

it is a must to have much amount of self-knowledge to free yourself from
any psychological disorder. YOU MUST HAVE AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE SELF-KNOWLEDGE ABOUT YOUR MIND TO FREE YOURSELF FROM ANY PSYCHOLOGICAL DISORDER AND ALSO IT IS NECESSARY TO GET SUCCESS IN ANYTHING.




3rd note:

See also the other 
4 posts in my blog 
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the links below


Korean movies the you must see

End.